I'm Okay, You're Okay

I wrote the majority of this a couple of years ago.  I never finished it.  I just feel someone needs to read this and know they are not alone.  Don't worry this is not going to be a psychological lesson on Transactional Analysis.  The reason that there is no need for concern is I barely made it through my Intro to Psychology class.

The question "How are you?" has become nothing more than a greeting.  I am guilty of using it. However, when I am deep in a bad place and someone ask me how I am it drives me crazy.  I want to shout back and say "How am I?  How am I?  I will tell you how I am!  I am really hurting.  I am struggling to keep myself together.  Do you really want to know how I am doing?  If I told you would you be able to handle it?"  I do not answer that way.  Do you know why?  Because they are expecting me to say "I am okay and you?"  They will respond that they are okay and we will move on with some conversation that has little significance.

Our culture tells us we must have it all together.  We can not let others know that we are struggling. This would be a sign of weakness that would push other people away.  The reason that it is not okay to say that I am not okay is by admitting that I am not okay places others in a situation where they might have to admit, if to no one else but themselves, that they too are not okay.

I am not saying I think we should unload on everyone who asks us.  I do not want to spew all my struggles on the clerk at the grocery store.  In fact, the point of this has almost nothing to do with how to respond when someone asks how you are doing.   I want us to be more aware of how our words can affect others.  I think we need to have some more, to quote The Giver, "precision of language".  If you want to know how someone is doing ask them. If you do not have the time to listen to the answer or are just not interested use a different greeting.  

The second thing I want us to get from this is, if you are having a rough day, I want you to know that it is normal and that it is okay.  It is okay to not be okay all the time.  Just because you don't see people on social media having bad days it does not mean they do not exist.  If you allow yourself to not be okay and fully experience the emotions that come with having a bad day your good days and the emotions that come with those will be fuller and richer.