Conflict: Don't You Just Love It?

Some people would consider me a confrontational person.  Some have even accused me of liking conflict.  Well the truth is, I really don't like confrontation.  It makes me uncomfortable.  It is like going to the dentist.  It is not enjoyable.  I still go to the dentist because it is good for me.  I know that on the other side of the conflict is something I want more than my current comfort.

That might sound odd at first.  What is on the other side of that conflict?  Before we can get to that we need to take a closer look at the front side of conflict.  I hope we can all agree that a time will come when you will not agree with someone.  We all have relationships.  We have friendships, business relationship, or romantic relationship.  We have those neighbors we don't really know that we still have to get along with.  I am not sure where those fit. Relationship requires interaction.  If you interact enough, a time of disagreement will happen.

When disagreement happens what choices do we have?  Many people believe that there are three options.  When a disagreement happens we can enter into conflict, avoid the conflict and maintain the relationship, or avoid the conflict and exit the relationship.  Can we really avoid conflict and maintain the relationship?  From my experience, if we are honest, the answer is no.  We might be able to maintain it for awhile, but if not dealt with, bitterness will build up and destroy the relationship.  That leaves us with two options.  We can avoid the conflict and give up on the relationship or take the risk of conflict.

It is important to have the correct goal for the conflict.  I am no expert on this.  I struggle with this. The goal of conflict is to come out more united.  That is what is on the other side of conflict that makes it worth it.  If you enter a conflict with the goal of winning you will lose every time.  If you enter a conflict with the goal of agreement you may or may not win.  If unity remains your goal and the relationship remains the top priority, your willingness to take the risk of conflict will increase. "You don't always have to agree to stay close" (Clay Peck).

If we want to have healthy relationships we must put love and respect above agreement.  We have to value people more than our own comfort.  We must be willing to sacrifice the immediate for the long term.

When have you chosen conflict over comfort and it was worth it?